


our court of dreams

by okayantigone



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Child POV, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Gen, Grown Adult Riko meets Child Baby Riko, I cried writing this, I'm still crying, M/M, Riko dies when Tetsuji beats him for breaking Kevin's hand, Violence, child fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-21 23:37:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11367990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okayantigone/pseuds/okayantigone
Summary: "We grow up into the people who might have been able to save us from our parents."He crouches down, in front of the desk, where a child is crying, not loudly, as far as most children’s crying goes – if anything there’s an audible effort to keep quiet that Riko commends, and recognizes, and why shouldn’t he recognize it, when there, plain as day, he is faced with himself, somewhere on the precipice between toddler, and a gangly awkward mess of limbs, the child that is him stops his wailing and looks up, blinking dark wide eyes at him.





	our court of dreams

**Author's Note:**

> I was sobbing writing this, and I am sobbing now. Riko dies as a result of Tetsuji beating him for breaking Kevin's hand.
> 
>  
> 
> "He wonders if all children were born to die at the hands of their caretakers to be reborn as adults" comes from a fic by poze-laceen on tumblr and I love it so much.

He walks the familiar winding hallway of the Nest, absently straightening out the cuffs of his crip white shirt. Another Christmas banquet, another small calamity, another brief disaster, and blood on his hands, in his mouth, in his hair, and on his face, and Kevin’s absence at his side, and the Master’s anger filling it up, and he just wants to …

Wants to what? What are you trying to do, Riko? Go to bed? He must be going to bed. That’s probably what he’s doing, at this hour. Gotta be awake for practice tomorrow.

The hallway shifts under his feet, and suddenly, he’d on his way to the Master’s office. Obviously, stupid boy, he was going to go tell the Master that Kevin isn’t coming back, isn’t… because… Because why?

Because Riko broke his hand. Of course. Of course, how could he forget, it only happened… just now? It only happened just now, and that’s why he’s still covered in blood. Stupid, stupid boy.

The door to Tetsuji’s office is ajar, and he nudges it open all the way. It’s dark and empty, but it’s fine. Riko will wait. All he knows is waiting.

The sobbing and wailing catches him off guard. He checks his own mouth automatically, pressing his fingers to his bloodstained lips, but the sounds aren’t coming from him.

He crouches down, in front of the desk, where a child is crying, not loudly, as far as most children’s crying goes – if anything there’s an audible effort to keep quiet that Riko commends, and recognizes, and why shouldn’t he recognize it, when there, plain as day, he is faced with himself, somewhere on the precipice between toddler, and a gangly awkward mess of limbs, the child that is him stops his wailing and looks up, blinking dark wide eyes at him.

He reaches to touch the child on the shoulder, and the resuting violent flinch startles his ravenbird heart into fluttering its tired wings.

There, the child looks up, blinking tears out of red-rimmed eyes with long inky lashes. Riko stares at his own face, and marvels at how small he used to be, wonders how he ever survived being that small to begin with.

“Hey,” he says, and cups the child’s cheek, wiping the tears away, and smudging the black sharpie ink outlining his number.

Baby Riko sticks his right hand in his mouth and starts gnawing at his fingers, less a child sucking on his thumb, and more an anxious motion meant to hurt. He remembers biting down into his own hand until it was purple, and passing it off as practice injuries.

“No, don’t do that,” Riko says now, in the present, and takes hold of that hand, with his bitemark shaped bruises.  
His child self gives his finger a weak squeeze.

“Your hands are dirty,” he mumbles. “The master’s gonna get mad. ‘N then he’s gonna hit you.”

“I’ll just wash them, before he sees,” Riko reassures. “But you don’t have to worry, because he doesn’t hit us anymore. No one does.”

The child blinks up in awe at this handsome, monstrous man, with the blood on his face, and his many teeth, perfec and white, and number that doesn’t come off on his face.

“Are we scary now?” he asks, looking at Riko like he’s magic.

“Very,” Riko reassures.

He had dreamed of this for so long. He had dreamed himself into existence - a monster who could protect him.

“Are you mean now?” the child asked, blinking still, all wonder, and naivete.

“I’m afraid so,” Riko said, gently. Sacrifices had had to be made. He had to keep himself safe.

“W-will you be mean to me?” that treacherous wobble of the lower lip, that Tetsuji had beaten out of him, together with his crying.

This child – this child had idolized him. Had grown up dreaming of him. A protector with steel for bones, a firebird with an iron beak, and what a fine disappointment he’d turned out to be-

Will you be mean to me? What was he meant to say, when he’d beaten this child to death with his own bare hands, strangled it in his sleep, so he could emerge, from the funeral fires, with wings made out of knives, when he had, easily, been the cruelest to him, ruined him, called him stupid, and useless, and disappointing to his face until –

His arms find their way around the small body, pulling him in.

“Of course not,” he whispers. “I’m so sorry, of course I won’t be mean to you, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, that I got here so late, I’m so sorry he beat you, I’m so sorry that you weren’t there with me for the good stuff – “

The child clings to him weakly. Uncertain. He’d dreamed of a hug like this. Kayleigh had smelled like Chanel Number 5, and her arms had been warm around him.

“Be good for your uncle, he’s very busy,” she’d say and kiss his cheek and –

And Riko was holding him, and never wanted to let go, would never let go –

“Where’s Kevin?”

He pulls back reflexively, and holds his rage in the palm of his hand.

“Kevin is gone,” he snarls, and the child flinches. “Kevin doesn’t love us anymore

“Did we do something bad to him?”

“No. We didn’t. We did everything right, and we were good, but Kevin – Kevin got selfish, and he left us. But that’s okay. Because I’m here now. I’m here for you.”

He offers his hand to the child, and the child takes it, meek and frightened, and trusting all at once, that this – this hero, dreamt into existence under the Master’s cane, this superman, with a bespoke suitjacket as a cape – has come to save him.

“I’m here, and I will take you away,” he promises gently.

“Away?”

“Yes. Away from all the mean stuff. No one will ever hit you again.”

He had dreamt this too, often. In the dream, Kengo Moriyama – his father – handsome and strong – would come in a black limo with Nathan, and Nathan would smile and wink at him. Kengo, his father – who has finally decided to love him – would take his hand, and take him into the car, to a beautiful house, where he would meet his beautiful brother, and they would go to school together, and Kengo would love him very much, and never hit him, and when Riko – when Riko tells him that the Master hit him, he would get very mad, march right to Castle Evermore and – and shoot him tell him he was in the wrong, and Riko is a good child who didn’t deserve to be hit.

But his father never came. And instead, Riko grew into someone who could save him from his caregivers, and the child didn’t hesitate in squeezing his hand, and rising up on wobbly legs, finding his balance at Riko’s side.

Look at him, all grown up. Isn’t he so handsome? In his perfect suit, with his hair swept just so, and his tattoo, because he is grown now, and he can have one, and with the blood on his hands and clothes – just like Nathan sometimes had blood on his hands and clothes, and Nathan was also scary – he has grown into the adult who will protect him, will take care of him, will take him away from the castle evermore, and raise him and parent him better than Tetsuji ever could.

They walk out of Tetsuji’s office.

“Do you want me to carry you?” Riko asks, and the child nods shyly, and lets himself be picked up.

Riko might have wanted to have children of his own one day. Children he would never hit, or scream at. But he had broken Kevin’s hand, and he would be more likely than not to do the same, to lose his temper, to have an outburst – he had given up that dream. Legacy would be his child, and it would be enough, but picking Riko up was easier than breathing, after countless times of feeling Tetsuji’s assistants do it, of seeing Kayleigh do it to Kevin.

“Where are we going?” the child asks, when it feels like Riko’s carried him forever.

“To a nice place,” Riko says, warmly, because he can’t not feel warmth when he thinks about where they’re going. “Home.”

Before them shines the light of the court of Castle Evermore, home court to the US Olympic Exy Team, and the Edgar Allan Ravens – the greatest, bestest teams in the world, where he plays as the greatest, strongest striker to ever grace the game.

“Do you want me to let you down?” he offers, a little ways before they enter.

Even in the hallway, the roar of the audience is defeaning, screaming one name.

His name.

Riko! Riko! Riko!

Chanting, and stomping their feet.

Riko finds his place at his side, and grabs his hand.

“Are you scared?” grown Riko asks.

The child nods.

“Don’t be. They love us. They all love us, so much.” His heart is full of it. Of their love, and of the love of the court. Just a step further, and the blinding lights will swallow them whole, and then -

“Okay,” says the child. Of course they did. Millions, and millions of people, loving him to death, getting the same tattoo as him, getting his name tattooed, queuing for hours to meet him, seeing him – his worth, his brilliance, his talent, his promise –

He had wanted a family so bad, and he’d given them one. It was beyond the entry point. He nudged child Riko forward.

On his delicate, bruised back, he’d built his empire of dreams.

They crossed the treshhold together, and momentarily, the light blinded, swallowed everything – but this was it. This was the Evermore court. This was home.

Riko! Riko! Riko!

the crowd screamed even louder. He picked his childhood self back up, so he could better see the millions of faces shouting from the stands, and then –

There it was! In the other end of the court –

“Look!” shouted the child, and pointed, and Riko looked. There, in Tower East, in the VIP box sat his father, Kengo Moriyama, so handsome and strong, waving at him, with a boy only a few years older, smiling shyly.

Riko! roared the crowd, who could now see that he was finally loved!  
Riko!  
Riko!

Jean shook his shoulder hopelessly, and screamed his name, pressing down on his chest, and trying to breathe the air back into his lungs, again, and again, and again, wishing that emergency services would hurry up, wishing he knew how to stop a brain hemorrhage, wishing Riko wouldn’t die here, on the floor of the Master’s office beaten like a dog, grateful, that it was finally over. He wondered if all children were doomed to die at the hands of their caretakers, to be reborn as adults.

Standing at the court he had loved so much, Riko held his childhood self’s tiny britle hand, and smiled for a roaring crowd. He had dreamt for himself, a gentler way to go, so he wouldn’t have to be alone, so it wouldn’t have to hurt.  
The child was waving frantically at their father, and so was he, and the flashing lights swallowed him whole, and –

 _It is… with great regret and a heavy heart that I must announce I am taking up the position of captain of the Edgar Allan Ravens. As most of you know, Riko and Kevin were involved in a tragic accident in Aspen, where a faulty ski lift collapsed. While Kevin was able to walk away with only a hand injury, Riko was dead on impact. We were told that he died instantly, and did not suffer much, and we take some comfort in that. You must all understand that Kevin will not be able to play on the Raven lineup anymore, without Riko, with whom he has been inseparable for years, and so we all afford him this time to mourn, and collectively, as a team, wish him best of luck in all his future endeavors, as we all try to move on from this great loss, both a personal one, and a loss to the sport of exy in general._  
 _Carrying on Riko’s legacy as captain will not be easy, but it is what he would have wanted – for our team to continue to excel, and claim victory, in his name, and so I will persevere, and carry on his dream, and the dream he had – of a perfect court. To that regard, I find solace in being able to announce that the Edgar Allan Ravens have signed Andrew Minyard and Nathaniel Wesninski – while the loss of Riko can never be replaced in our hearts, nor in our ranks, we hope that by adding new great players to our family, we will be able to swiftly move on, recover, and once again find our strength on the court, better than ever._  
-Statement given by Jean Moreau at a press conference at Castle Evermore WV, February 2006. No questions were taken, and a following statement was read out by Tetsuji Moriyama, asking that privacy be afforded the family in their time of mourning.

**Author's Note:**

> "I walk past my drunken parents on the sofa, take my own hand, and take my childhood self away, parenting myself better than they ever could"


End file.
